Embarrassed but still writing

I wondered if I still had a blog online.  I do.  So I have probably lost any chance at anyone reading what I write so this is just for my own satisfaction.  The reason I would say embarrassed but still writing is because whenever I haven't done something for a long time that I should, whether it is calling someone I should or visiting someone that I haven't seen in a long time, I always fight with thoughts of embarrassment.  Probably not the feelings I should have but I guess I don't know what else I would describe it as.  And... since my face goes red so easy, that's probably what it is.

Rambling

Anyway there is obviously too much in my life that has changed in the past year to really catch up on everything.  so I'll just randomly throw out my thoughts as they come.  Biggest news of the last year and a half is our new profession.  It feels good to have said good bye to mortgages and now www.overstockdrugstore.com has taken over our thoughts, prayers and lives.  It's good though.  Stressful but good.  It's what we do.  We are entrepreneurs and somehow our hearts hold up in spite of that.

Somehow, my goal is to get more balance in my life.  I am definitely out of balance and don't have enough free time to do things I like.  If I don't hurry and find some free time to do the things I like, then I may have to find those things again.  If that makes any sense.

This or That

      

 I have been thinking about our roles as parents lately.  When our children are young, probably even until they are 14 or 15, we are the protector, the teacher, the stability in their lives.  We take on this role with all of the love and seriousness that we can possibly possess.  It is when these beautiful children become teenagers and have minds of their own that we get lost in our roles.  We can no longer be the same kind of parent that we were when they were young and looked to us for everything in their lives.  At this point in their lives, they have decisions to make that will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Sometimes there are decisions that they make that we just don't agree with.  I think that one of the hardest things I have learned in raising my teenagers (I now have 4 living in my house right now - 3 17-yr olds and 1 14-yr old) is how to allow them their agency and respect their decisions, even if I don't agree with that decision.  During those times, it is best for me to ask myself, "which would be worse for the relationship, me allowing them to make this decision and face the consequences or me forcing my choice on them and me face the consequences."

Just thoughts going on in my head today.  Being a mom is certainly not very easy at times but has provided the most rewarding and fun experiences I could have imagined including emotions that I never thought could be felt at the same time.

In the pictures Santi, Chase and Spencer went to the Festival of Colors.  Brooke is in the middle with her two life-long friends at the same event.

Today I choose to take control

While in the middle of difficult times in our lives, I have found it necessary to feel that I am in control of at least some aspect of my life.  This has been a very busy year and a half and I am now to the point of feeling a little out of control.  I mentioned in an earlier post that Rick is changing careers.  After 19 years in the mortgage industry and helping thousands of people, including close friends and family, realize their dream of owning a home or refinancing their mortgage, he has chosen to go a different direction with his career.  What direction that is, we are not yet clear.  However, I feel confident that it will be revealed to us in the manner and time that it's supposed to be.   Too many people that I have talked to lately have said that their husband wanted to do the same thing years ago but didn't have the nerve and now feels locked into a miserable situation that they can do nothing about.

I choose to not worry.

I choose to have faith.

I am excited for what the future holds for us and now is the best time to make such a change.

Today I choose to take control of my own personal life and my own personal situation.

I'll let you know how it goes.  

Obsessed with this Song/Video

This pretty much sums it up...

Things on my brain since last ...July!

For pete's sake.  Why has it taken me 8 months to open my blog again?  Honestly, because I thought it was ugly.  But my cute friend at work, Jamyn, helped me clean it up and make it cute.  So... this is what's been on my brain since then.

1.  Trek was an amazing experience.  From the planning to the execution.  Especially getting to plan and execute with my husband.

2.  Santi's arrival.  GREAT kid.  He calls us his family and has now decided to try and figure out a way to stay.  Not sure the government will allow it but it warms my heart that he's so happy here.

3.  Ali's engagement and wedding.  Pure bliss for them and me.  We LOVE our new son-in-law (that still sounds so weird to me).  We LOVE that our family is extending and growing and becoming more and more fun.  The wedding day was so perfectly perfect I can't even think of words to describe it other than that.  I hope that all mom's are able to enjoy the engagement, planning and wedding day or their daughters as much as I did.

4.  The new year.  I love fresh starts.  I love goal setting.  I love the new possibilities that the new year brings.  This year Rick will be making a major career change which brings along with it great excitement.  Can't wait to see what's next for him.

5.  My new job with Barbara Barrington Jones.  Each day I learn something new about either myself or human nature.  Barbara is an amazing woman who is able to reach and teach people in such a unique way.  Check her website out here Barbara Barrington Jones.

6.  Our new addition to our home -- Diesel.  Our Mastiff puppy.  Some are in favor and others are not so much but no matter the opinion he is adorable!

7.  Our nephew staying with us.  WE LOVE SPENCER!

8.  Brooke's Dance Company Concert this week.

9.  Chase  is possibly the most incredible 14 year old there has ever come to earth.  The amazing love that is in his body would be enough to cure all world problems.  And with all of the changes and things happening, he just goes with the flow.

10.  And finally... Ty's service during his amazing mission.  He is so incredible to me and so inspiring.  I still live for Mondays.

That's it.

Be True to Who You Are

Once upon a time there was a duck.  He was the kindest duck on the pond but one day he decided that being a duck was not good enough.  He thought his life was a little dull and that there would be more excitement in his life if he were to act more like some of the other animals he saw around him.  Hard as he tried, he just couldn't get himself to bark like the dog who seemed to be having so much fun.  The more he tried, the more frustrated he became with himself and the more ornery and mean he became to those who once thought he was so kind.  After living two separate lives, the life of the duck that he was, and trying to live the life of a dog that he thought he wanted to be, he eventually was so dissatisfied with his once satisfying and fulfilling life, that he saw negativity in everything.  Nothing and no one brought him happiness anymore.  All of his duck friends were no longer enjoyable to him.  The beautiful pond that he often swam in was suddenly less enjoyable and no longer a place of beauty for him.  Everything around him was dreary and depressing and he wondered what was wrong with his life.  When had everyone turned on him and why were they trying to make his life so miserable?

The moral of the story is two fold, be true to who you are ... and take responsibility for your own actions.  

First, if you don't like the person that you are, improve on those things that you don't care for but don't try and be someone else.   Each of us have unique characteristics that, when woven together, whether within a family unit, a work place or within a group of friends, can make a beautiful tapestry of love, friendship and cohesiveness.  

Second, just like the duck, there are those who have never learned to take responsibility for their own actions and place blame on everyone and everything around them for their own disappointments, discouragement, sadness and negative experiences.  Rather than looking for someplace to put blame, move forward and create solutions in a positive atmosphere.

In other words, if you look like a duck and talk like a duck, then you probably are a duck.  So embrace it!

I'm excited for

Little things I'm excited for that are happening in the next couple of weeks

Boating - We took Ty on this trip with us.  He loved it.

Monday Emails from this Boy! - They are great for a Weekly laugh session.

Our exchange student - Santiago from Spain - he'll be with us from August to next June.

Trek - 12 days!  Aaaagh!! - Rick and I were called as Trek Master's on August 8 of last year.  Can't believe it's already here!

Pedicure with Brooklyn

 

Our Garden and the peaches we can grow in it.

Looking forward to these and many other events!

As long as I can remember, I have loved having things to look forward to.  My parents were so good about doing this for me.  It was always, "You know what this Friday is!!!???  Lagoon!!!"  Or "let's go shopping for our vacation clothes which is in only 2 weeks!"  So it's stuck.  That feeling of NEEDING stuff to look forward to.  But if you didn't have things to look forward to, where would the fun in life be, right? 

No matter how big or small, we all need stuff to look forward to.

My Amazonian Boy

Do you remember that feeling that you got a couple days before Christmas, your birthday and a fun vacation when you were a kid?  The kind of feeling where you were so excited about the event that you could hardly contain yourself.  I even remember a couple of times just wanting to squeal or make a weird noise because the excitement was almost too much to stay inside my body.  This is how I feel about getting a call on Mother's Day from this boy . . .

an excerpt from . . .

Wow!  I did it!  I finished an entire journal for the first time in my life.  The rest of the times I get very bored with whatever particular journal I'm keeping but this time it was different.  This was a type of therapy for me after mom passed away.  I have loved everything about this journal, from the purchase of it to feeling the need to put all of my thoughts and feelings somewhere that would normally be shared with my dear Mom.  It has created a love for journaling that has only deepened over the past two years.  I've always loved journaling but now I have a passion for it.  

I have loved everything about this journal.  The orange embossed leather cover, the leather place marker, the printed "Fleur de Lis" at the bottom of each page.  Everytime I have written I have looked forward to feeling like a "fancy lady".  I've even written with beautiful colored pens (one of my other obsessions.  Especially if they don't bleed all over my left hand as I write.  Very difficult to find).  

So now I get to go on my ritualistic shopping trip of finding a new beautiful journal. I'm excited to see what it's contents will hold.  If you don't journal, I highly recommend it.